Aiming for Privacy

By Charissa Kolar

My son Jack was four years old when I became pregnant again. We wanted to prepare Jack for the new baby. After all we were about to de-throne him as our only child. So I brought him along to my doctor’s appointments. He listened to the baby’s heartbeat with me and watched my belly grow.

Each time we arrived at the OBGYN office, they always told me the same thing: sign in here, go to the lobby bathroom and leave a urine sample, and then have a seat in the waiting room.

At first I didn’t feel comfortable leaving Jack alone in the lobby. So he came with me to the one-person bathroom. I wrote my name on the plastic cup, filled it, and set it in a tray. Jack occupied himself by opening all the drawers and examining the abundant lady products. “Jack put that down, I promise you it is not a tube with candy inside.”

After nine months, we began weekly doctor visits. We checked in, and they gave me the “pee in the cup” talk. But for the first time, I couldn’t see over my giant belly. I was struggling to guess where to hold the tiny cup. I tried to do my best, in regard to aiming, but I missed the cup. I reacted out loud, “Oh no! Yuck! I peed on my hand!?!” Jack erupted into laughter. Potty humor, accidents, and the like were right up his alley. I cleaned up. We laughed and headed out to the lobby.

A week later, was my next visit. This office had grown familiar to both of us by now. I decided he was ready to wait alone in the lobby for my quick urine sample. So after check in I said, “You can wait here in the lobby. I will be right back after I use that bathroom.” He sat down pleased with his new freedom and independence.

I head down the hall, closed the bathroom door and began the jockey to pee in the tiny vessel. It was then I heard a loud voice from outside my door. It was Jack. He yelled out a reminder, “Hey MOM, DON’T PEE ON YOURSELF LIKE LAST TIME, OKAY?”

Eventually I left the “privacy” of the restroom. Maybe no one heard him bellow? In the lobby people were grinning. People lowered their magazines to get a look at me. Clearly, they heard him. I was so embarrassed. Why did he have to remember that moment? That was private. He can’t remember where his coat is, where his shoes are, or anything that happens in preschool day after day.

I had my baby later that week, little Zachary. And if that wasn’t joy enough, it also meant I didn’t have any more of those pre-natal office visits. Now I was the mama of two boys. Will there be many more embarrassing moments? Have I only seen the beginnings of potty humor jokes? Will I ever have to explain what those mysterious items are in the ladies restroom? Yes, yes, and yes.

Charissa Kolar is co-author of Your Newborn Promise Project: A Pre-Parenting Primer for Husband and Wife, co-producer the Newborn Promise Podcast, and a Graham Blanchard Inc. project director.