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Five Ways Parents Ruin Teachable Moments 

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As children across the land gear up for a summer of freedom and fun, their parents are plotting ways to fill the vacuum of all that spare time with gainful activities to employ idle little hands and minds.

Clever parents know that a day at the beach or a hike in the woods does much more than provide amusement for their children. Family adventures out into God’s great outdoors present teachable moments about life like none other, as children get out of their comfort zones physically, mentally, and even spiritually.

That’s the hope, anyway.

Even small children learn famously fast that “teachable moments” should be avoided at all costs. And the reality is that no matter what size a family—one parent and one child, or both parents and a half dozen kids—outings and vacations of any kind tax everyone’s patience, and often the best intentions get twisted up in a cold, wet puddle of the day’s muck.

This summer could be different, however, and a parent’s mission accomplished without tears and arguments, if good intentions—or old habits—are slightly adjusted. Consider these five ways to avoid common fumbles in the teachable moments of time together. We all have experienced them as children ourselves, and we all are tempted to do them as parents, or aunts or uncles, if we haven’t done them already:

Talk about building character
You can pretty much guarantee that if you tell your child how an experience is building his or her character, you will ruin a teachable moment. Just ask Calvin’s dad. One of the most amusing and painfully true themes of the Calvin & Hobbes comic strip by Bill Watterson is that of Calvin’s dad sabotaging a character-shaping moment for Calvin by calling it a character-shaping moment.

What’s more, trying to convince a child that a certain activity is good for their character could have the unintended consequence of making the parent the object lesson in a child’s eyes, because the parent often lacks the quality, say patience, she is hoping to develop in her child. I have often found myself in this dilemma as a mom, wanting to use the old “do as I say not as I do.”

Teach in the middle of a moment
Summer activities offer plenty of teachable moments. But nothing dampens the moment or the spirit of adventure more than being alongside a stickler for technical details. When a small child is trying something for the first time, like building a sand castle or climbing a play structure, they are experimenting. Unless they ask for help, let them learn the laws of tides and gravity within the safety of your purview.

Being instructed with a heavy hand in the midst of any activity makes it feel like work. Sure, it’s important to teach a child how to hold the putter at the putt-putt golf course. But a child’s thrill of personal discovery is more important than producing a champ or even sinking a legal putt.

Point out the obvious
Parents are notorious for pointing out the obvious at inopportune or unnecessary times. Comedian Tim Hawkins calls it “giving good advice too late.” He performs a hilarious routine about how his mother would shout, “Careful!” after an accident. In another routine he pokes fun at her reminders, like telling him to eat when he gets hungry.

My own daughter, now 12, has long interrupted this parental proclivity of mine with, “I know mom!” And I know she’s right because I was right when I said the same thing to my own mother. How annoying.

Interrupt a beautiful silence
Most parents would agree that experiences often just speak for themselves. No words at all are needed. Harnessing the propensity to speak has been a serious spiritual discipline since forever. It’s true that words aptly chosen are silver, while silence is golden. We could all benefit from savoring, rather than speaking about, a truth of life revealed in the moment.

Say too much
Even when words are obviously necessary, all too often the tendency is to say too much. It’s called “beating a dead horse.” Even if that horse happens to be a happy occasion, almost always it’s better to say less than more because let’s face it: More words mean more opportunities to say the wrong thing.

Have you ever noticed how Jesus, the one human in all of humankind who knew everything, actually said comparatively little, according to the Bible record? When we look to the Master Character Builder, we see in Jesus the fine art of saying plenty with just enough words and no more.

With Jesus’ way, we witness what can happen when all the parental pitfalls of teachable moments can be avoided at once, as all of their positive counterpoints—good timing, apt words, silence, reflection, and restraint—are displayed with epic effectiveness.

Jesus didn’t talk about an activity, like washing another’s feet, as good for building character; he just did it and told his disciples to do what he did.

Jesus didn’t over-teach in the middle of a moment. He let the moment unfold and then gave a decisive but brief reflection about it.

As far as we know, Jesus never gave good advice too late and called out to Peter, “Careful!” after failed to walk on water.

Jesus brilliantly let an awkward silence speak volumes…

He never beat a dead horse.

Above all, Jesus gave himself, his time, for teachable moments to naturally transpire among the crowds. And this can be a saving grace for parents, too. Although parental quirks and fumbles sometimes ruin teachable moments, parents can carve out opportunities for new ones to arise from just being together as a family.

callie-grantCallie Grant heads Graham Blanchard Inc., which creates children’s books for growing up in God and helpful resources for Christian parents at http://www.grahamblanchard.com.

Copyright © 2016 Graham Blanchard Inc.