Game Face

By Charissa Kolar

Sometimes I feel bad for our first-born. He is the one that encounters all childhood cross-roads and milestones first, years before his younger brother. As his parents, we are always covering new territory. We are sort of perpetual rookie parents.

From the beginning we face the big questions like, should we give him immunization shots, or is that the very decision that will kill him? How much should you pay for a good preschool, where do you sign up for tee-ball, and how do you actually get him to brush his teeth? Every. Night.

Most recently we have been contemplating where to enroll him in school next year. He is finishing up 5^th grade, and we have a choice of two middle schools. My husband had a lot of travel in his schedule, and so I took the lead on this one. I made a list of pros and cons and prayed. Over the weeks I began to feel God was confirming for me the direction we should go. A series of events, meetings, and conversations lead me to a decision, and my husband agreed it seemed clear.

Feeling relieved I relayed our decision to a friend who added, “When you tell your son where he is going, let him know you feel confident about the choice, that will be comforting to him because he trusts you.” That helped me. I forget at times that it is important for me to relieve him of uncertainty and fear by imparting a deliberate, gentle assuredness.

I flashed back to a time in my childhood where my mom could have imparted hope instead of doom. In retrospect it is funny to recall that day, but sometimes as parents we are genuinely uncertain, or scared, yet there is a time to look at those little faces looking back up at you, and put on your game face.

When I was in high school and my brother in 4^th grade our family went on our first vacation to Hawaii. We stayed in Honolulu near the well-traveled Waikiki Beach. Seeking some beaches off the beaten path we took a rental car and drove around the island. At one point we found a perfect oasis. It looked inviting, the blue surf, the glimmering sand and best of all no other cars in the parking area. We quickly head out of the car and my brother and I took out boogie boards and began to paddle around in the waves.

After a short while I decided I would rather sit on the beach and lay in the sand so I left the water. My parents and I were all reclining on the beach when my brother came flying out of the water. He hopped around on the beach, kicking at the sand and looked like he was moving in fast forward speed. We could not figure out what he was doing. Then he told us he felt something on his ankle and was trying to make sure he kicked it off.

We didn’t see anything at all. He may have kicked it off in the water, or the beach. But he immediately began to complain that his ankle felt like it was on fire and he was in pain. He suggested it was likely a jellyfish sting. We were all startled not knowing what to do. Then my mom shouts, “A jellyfish sting! I am pretty sure you can die from that!” New panic set in across the face of my brother. She took the level of alarm up a few notches for all of us.

We turned toward the car to go get help, and as we faced the parking lot and walked up the beach we passed a posted sign that we did not see on the way down to the beach. But now all of us could see it and it said, “Warning do not swim. Man Of Wars in the water.” So it wasn’t so much that we found a deserted beach, we just found a place where other people could clearly read the signs better than us.

After acknowledging that it was likely a Man of War that wrapped a tentacle around his ankle, we jumped in our car and hit the road with fury. There were no cell phones in those days, so we had to go it alone to find a hospital to save my brothers life. Within a mile or so we came to a gas station convenience store where we dashed in for directions to the hospital. I can only imagine how scared and rushed we looked.

Behind the counter was a very mello looking local guy. He was like a gentle giant with long dark hair and tan skin. In gasps and hurried tones we asked for directions to the hospital. The guy asked, “What happened?” We explained how my brother was fatally stung by a Man of War jelly fish and we urgently needed medical attention. The un-phased man in shorts and sandals gestured to my brother and quietly said, “Where are you stung?” We showed him his ankle. We were all thinking, “Can you just give us directions to the hospital, time is of the essence, man!” Casually the guy reached down behind the counter and came up with a squeeze bottle of glass cleaner. Without asking, he sprayed my brother’s foot. Then he said, “You are fine.”

Together we were relieved, humiliated, happy—and humbled. Crisis averted.

Years later we can laugh at that unnecessary panic. After all, many families will face crisis moments (or ones that feel like a crisis at the time). Yet, it is the less dramatic situations, week in and week out that bring the weight of responsibility to parents.

Sometimes we want to crack and share our “worst case scenarios” openly with our kids. Or just level with them to relieve our own burden or conscience and say, “Listen dude, there is so much that can be crazy about middle school. It could be fine, or you could be socially turned into swiss cheese. If you fall in with the wrong group, fall behind academically, or say “yes” to any number of rebellious choices, you may set your path for a downward spiral.” Yes, these are true thoughts that swim in my mind.

But for the sake of his inner peace and mine, I want to show him my game face. Not one that is dishonest, or a cover, or simply a mask. No, I want to bless him with the parenting strength, wisdom, and peace I receive when I meet with God in prayer and study.

Because even though I am technically a more experienced parent with my second born, I will never have all the parenting answers or know exactly the way to go on my own. Thankfully none of us have to do that, nor even fake it! If we humble ourselves and cling to God, he will strengthen us to stare down the challenges we face and simply say, “Game on.”

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. –James 1:4-5

Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:5

Charissa Kolar is co-author of Your Newborn Promise Project: A Pre-Parenting Primer for Husband and Wife, co-producer the Newborn Promise Podcast, and a Graham Blanchard Inc. project director.