Is That Due Today?

By Charissa Kolar

It was Wednesday morning at 8:15am and if we really hurried we could possibly get my 5^th grade son to his school across town on time. We should have been in the car 10 minutes ago. As I stuffed his lunch into his backpack I glanced at his open binder on the counter. I asked my son Jack, “Why does your planner say ‘costume’ on Wednesday? Today is Wednesday.”

He shot me a look of panic. I shot one back at him, with an expression that said, “is this for real?” Then he tried to play it cool and said in a casual tone, “I am supposed to be John Muir today for our wax museum.” Yes, we had researched facts about John Muir a week or two ago. I barked orders, “Quick let’s grab some things from your old pirate costume.” Upstairs we flew. I got an old-timey long sleeve shirt, a leather vest, and khaki pants. Fortunately my boys are endlessly collecting sticks and we had a ready supply of walking sticks available. No straw hat… but I had to ditch any details, the items we found made it passable to get into character.

We jumped in the car and sped towards school. Now that my heart was pumping, I started thinking about other uncovered bases. I said to Jack, “okay lay your speech on me.” He did. It twisted, turned, and had some of the correct facts that we had researched. “Jack find some paper in the car, we need to write out a couple bullet points to help you keep facts in order.” With no paper in the car (how is this possible?) I had to improvise. At the next stop-light I grabbed the Kleenex box from the center console and wrote bullet points across the side of it, “born, college, travels, books, Yosemite, Sierra Club.” I gave him the box, with the new prompts and he practiced out loud.

His speech improved. Costume check. Speech check. Then before the last turn towards his school, I asked him, “Since you are supposed to be in a wax museum, how do people ask you to start your speech? Do you have a fake button or something?” Proudly, he knew the answer so he said, “Oh, well this is a fund-raiser, so people will put coins in our jar and then we talk.” I sighed a deep sigh. “Jack, are you supposed to have a jar with you today?”

He was pleased with himself for remembering, “Oh yes, a jar too.” I gave him that look like, “ Sorry, buddy but I am all out of tricks,” and we were pulling into the driveway of the school. He started ripping all the Kleenex out of the box, and said, “I will just use this as my jar!” I tried to ignore how none of the tissue will be sanitary any longer and just admire his ingenuity.

He jumped out of the car with his backpack, walking stick and Kleenex box. I drove away feeling half like I wanted to burst out laughing and half like I wanted to cry. My thoughts veered from, ‘why isn’t he more responsible, to ‘what in the heck keeps happening to the pads of paper I put in the car?!? ‘

I started thinking how when you are a new mom, you have rookie parent moments. Things happen that you just could not anticipate because you are learning about your baby for the first time. You didn’t know how quickly you will go through cans of formula, how you must have identical pacifiers of the one that is their favorite, or how you have to sneak wash the baby blanket because they will never give it up, etc. But the task of improvising, being flexible and getting creative with what you have –those are tools you will need for an entire childhood. You can freak out and lose your cool, or just smile on the inside. As parents we must set our expectations accordingly because kids are learning, they forget, and they make mistakes. I do too.

While it might be part of their grade to come in a costume as a historical figure, there are a lot of other classroom antics that seem required but really are optional. Decide now it will be okay with you (ie. you are still a great parent) if you just can’t participate in each activity that some “helpful” person dreamed up in the name of classroom fun. The world will not stop spinning on its axis if you haven’t remembered; opposites day, crazy hair day, wacky Wednesday, a share and tell item for the letter “x”, or wear your pajamas to school the day before winter break starts.

In childhood, from toddler days on through middle school, your children will have lots of things to do, remember, pack and bring home. Inevitably things get missed along the way. So next time you find yourself at a stop light writing on the side of a Kleenex box, just remember, you are not alone. There is a mom somewhere across town rehearsing with her daughter the highlights of Betsy Ross and tugging a flag out of the attic.

The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise him.

—Psalm 28:7

Charissa Kolar is co-author of Your Newborn Promise Project: A Pre-Parenting Primer for Husband and Wife, co-producer the Newborn Promise Podcast, and a Graham Blanchard Inc. project director.